Blogging for Confidence #8 - The "nerd" word...

{ two & three }
Yesterday it was cold enough to wear a sweater. (Yay!) So what did I choose? A nice hoodie? A cute cardigan? Nope. I went with a swan sweater...a sweater with a swan on it. It is cute, comfortable, and one of my favorite colors, so what's the big deal right? For reasons unknown to me, most people in this city wouldn't choose to wear a sweater with a you-know-what on it. So when I went to my classes I suddenly became extremely aware of how different I looked from the other sorority t-shirt wearing girls. I started tugging at the sleeves and nervously crossing my arms in an attempt to cover the bird. I convinced myself that some of the other girls were looking at me funny and probably thinking, "Where on earth does that "nerd" shop?". As I gathered my books to quickly escape the embarrassment happening in my own head, a couple girls stopped me and said, "Meredith, I really like your sweater!" I was shocked and stammered, "Oh, thank you. Oh! Thanks!".

This same sad little scene happens whenever I tell someone that I like to knit and blog for fun. At first I feel like that superhero knitter, suddenly revealing my hidden talent. However, all too quickly that strength weakens and the only thing I can hear bouncing through my head is "nerd. nerd. nerd. you are a nerd." until my face turns red. The worst part about this is that the only person who has ever called me a "nerd" to my face is...me. (Minus a few cootie-ridden boys in elementary school who called me "four eyes" and then "three eyes" when I had to wear an eye patch...) I'm the one who still isn't confident enough to wear what I want and be interested in something just because it is different.

The fact that I even wore that sweater to class shows me that I'm slowly getting over this self-conscious stuff. For me, I think it's easier to assume that everyone else thinks I'm this weird, awkward, nerd girl who doesn't fit in, instead of coming to terms with the fact that I'm the one who thinks all of those things about myself.

Until I stop putting myself down, I'll never appreciate the unique little quirks that make me, me.

* I know it's been awhile since my last Blogging for Confidence post, but this was something that I really wanted to share. I'm going to try to do a few more before the year is up and I hope you do too. :)

blogging for confidence, college, illustrationmeredith